ASUPREMENEWYORKTHING

Here’s a two parter actually cause I just answered another one and it was pretty good.

*ADD: By the way, for those of you who have never visited my site and are looking at this, basically, Yahoo has this little social networking type thing whereby people can go on and ask or answer questions. Personally I like to answer questions and here, on the site, are some of my favorite answers.

Question:

Why don’t the girls who work down at the local “Hooters” like to see me come in there?

My Answer:

I think it’s cause you’re a pervert. I’ve seen you, you’re always either scratching down there or grabbing for your thing. You know what I’m talking about, you perv. Okay, so one time, you accidentally spilled your drink and yes, it was an accident, but it was also all over 5 hooter waitresses while they were singing happy birthday to you, because it so happened your birthday was 3 months away, and it was much less a spill and much more you just taking the whole thing of beer and pouring it over their tops making them all wet and slippery - or making them, as I’d like to think, the way they’re supposed to be, wet and slippery.

Listen, it’s okay, so sometime you accidentally take your chicken wings and you slip it down their tight little tops, and by chicken wings I mean you take your finger and by finger I mean your penis.

Good luck with THAT - keep eating there. They look like they don’t like you but in fact, they’re fantasizing about you when they’re at home sleeping in their beds and touching themselves. Is that dirty thinking? That’s because you’re a pervert. They’re touching themselves on their foreheads, that’s what I meant.

Question:

How do I force this girl to like me?

She told me she didn’t want to date me because I’m not her type. But then I showed up at her house and talked to her mom and dad and they said I was perfect for her. So I keep asking her out again and she always says no. Sometimes I follow her to work and ask and ask and ask! And then last weekend I found out she was going to the movies so I showed up at the end of it at her car and gave her some roses and candy. She still hasn’t said yes? How do I force her to date me?!?

My Answer:

That’s pretty awesome what you’ve done. Some people may call this weird and disturbing but don’t listen to those people because what you’ve got going here is obviously TRUE LOVE. Come now, she just doesn’t know it yet but she truly loves you and she’s just probably afraid to show it. What you might want to do is, whenever you can, take some of her hair, get it ANYWAY you can, and build a doll that looks just like her with it. Obviously what will happen is that she’ll see it and realize that you are willing to go above and beyond for her.

Have you ever seen ‘Single White Female’? That is the greatest romance movie you will ever see. I suggest you rent it and then take some tips from it because one of the characters in the movie really show some prime examples of what love is.

Does this girl that you like have a boyfriend? Well, that boyfriend no matter what is a skumbag compared to you, please understand that. He’s probably alway mistreating her by faking being nice. What I suggest you do is somehow sabotage their relationship, if she has a boyfriend, by getting one of your friends to hook up with him and then take pictures. Now, that may seem illegal and nutty, but then again, it’s true love and you MUST DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN for true love.

Good luck and may god be with you. He probably already is so don’t worry about it.