I don’t know what happened. Seriously, I was watching TV for 20 minutes yesterday and instead of Seinfeld, which I love and really never know when it’s on, though my understanding is that it’s ALWAYS on, I saw all these videos on the news of steam coming out of the sewer or something. Anyway, this morning, my co-worker, but more like my lackey, told me a man died and I just started laughing.
Yes, sure, that’s awful, why not? but I was laughing because I hated that little cunt (he’s male). If somebody else had told me, I would’ve probably been a little more respectful. Instead I was like, AH HA HA HA HA HA, YOU’RE DUMB FOR CARING (that’s what I was thinking). My hate shifted from just hating him to everything and anything relating to him and in this case, it was something he cared about. Ugh, I am awful.
Good Morning! I just ate 2 donuts, I am gross. Dunkin’ Donuts has this whole marketing thing where they have on their boxes “America Runs on Dunkin’ Donuts” or something, I don’t quite remember but it’s something like that. That is ridiculous. They’re obviously trying to associate the running with Dunkin’ Donuts as though donuts was an essential part of a runner’s healthy diet or anyone who eats healthily for that matter. Ugh, gross. I am gross.
greetings.
to hate your lackey is not awful. to revel loudly in it is. you have to bury it, deep, DEEP INSIDE, so that he will not know.
then, when he tells you about the steam explosion, you grab him by both arms and shout to his face, ‘TERRIBLE! TERRIBLE! i must SELL ALL MY STOCKS!’, shaking him like a broke-neck baby as you speak. after which, you pick up the phone, dial random numbers and shriek, “this is RANDOLPH DUKE, SELL! SELLL! SELLLLL!” you fling the phone away and bury your face in your hands, mock weeping.
a couple of hours later, you approach your slave laborer, poking your face too close to his with a BOX of the most garishly-frosted dunkin’ donuts you can find and thrust them upon him, PROFUSELY apologizing (and spitting in his face) for your earlier outburst and INSISTING that he IMMEDIATELY CONSUME four donuts.
THEN who will be GROSS, EH? THEN, who will be AWFUL?
sincerely,
a. bitterman
What a wonderful comment. Lately I was thinking I should delete this blog but then a gem like this comes out of nowhere.