ASUPREMENEWYORKTHING

For a short period of time, I had a myspace. I wrote on my myspace blog. Mostly I used it to write about personal crap, literally. Apparently Technorati somehow kept a record of all my blog entries. Uhmm… wonderful? Anyway, here they are for your reading pleasure (in reverse chronological order). I have since closed my myspace account:

Oceans 13 was a piece of shit

Yeah, Oceans 13 was a piece of shit. Who cares about that movie? I don’t. Anyway, remember in that movie Antitrust it turned out Rachael Leigh Cook was the good guy and Claire Forlani was the bad guy? Wasn’t that wild? I liked how Rachael Leigh Cook was a designer. If they told me she was some hardcore programmer, it would’ve sucked cause you know she would have needed to look like a total piece of shit. Maybe in real life programmers don’t look like douchebags, anymore, maybe in real life programmers no longer go to Spencer’s Gifts for their wardrobe, anymore, but the general public don’t wanna see programmers that look like supermodels because it goes against everything America is about.

The 5th floor is not good for taking a shit

ADD: 8/29/07 - I didn’t want to write another post about taking a dump so I’ll just add to this one, but, just a few hours ago, I took a huge dump. It was beautiful. I almost want to cry now because it was so beautiful. Literally, I didn’t even know I had that much crap inside of me but IT CAME ALL OUT. Wow, IT WAS AMAZING. Sure, it’s gross to think about it, but I needed to tell someone. I can’t talk about it in real life anymore. I would and I used to but it turns out, it DOES NOT help my image as an individual. People, close or not close, DO NOT find my dump stories interesting whatsoever.

Long logs and being tall

I just took a dump and out came two long logs. It’s because I’m tall. I’ve heard people in the past talking about floating logs. Uhmm… my logs, they didn’t float, they sank to the bottom. In fact, they made a stain on the inside of the toilet. I had to flush four times to get that stain out because I was embarassed. First I was amazed, then I was humored and then I was embarassed. Yeah, that’s about the right order. Anyway, how do you get your logs to float? I guess I have to eat marshmellows for a week and find out. I assume that’s how.

No, I will NOT be your friend.

Vagina. Okay, so every now and then I get friend requests on this myspace thing. Most of them are from fake people, like those where it’s like, “oh, I’m lonely and I want to show you naked pictures of myself,” so those get denied immediately. Then, there are those people who are promoting crap. I’ll accept a few of those but most of them are denied. I’ll look at their profile and then I’ll just say to myself, “NO, too many friends,” I don’t want to be 1/10000. And then there are people who I will request to be friends. Those people I request to be friends will be random, completely random.

Almost dying

I took a huge dump the other day and I thought I was dying. Sometimes if you don’t get enough oils in your body, your poop is all, well, not slippery. Yeah, so, drink lots of water and have something oily on occasion (like some salad dressing). Alright bitches, visit my goddamned site before I set your house on fire: http://www.asupremenewyorkthing.com

Myspace like a 14 year old

I changed the fucking layout to my MySpace as though I was some 14 year old high school girl (14 = high school, right? I’m not sure). I spent time doing this and in a way I feel ashamed. I felt SO ashamed that I had wasted my time in this way, that I almost deleted MySpace to hide from the world and not let anyone know I had used my time in this way. Now I’ve gone the extra step to write about it as a way to repent, as a way of saying, Yes, I spent this time, but don’t frown upon me, I ashamed too. Nevertheless, visit my fucking site: http://www.asupremenewyorkthing.com

I am gross.

I am so gross, it feels all rubbery on my stomach, like there’s skin over blubber. Visit my goddamned site: http://www.asupremenewyorkthing.com

Holy crap, what happened!?

Seriously, what the fuck happened? HOOOOOLY shit! So I’m in the car and I’m changing into these pants cause I’ve got all this shit to do and I haven’t got any time to find a place to change into these pants that I own (my professional wear) and I’m looking down and it’s like, “Wha!? These weren’t tights!” Do you know what I’m talking about? It’s not like I got fat overnight but it fucking felt like it. I’m looking at all this weird flappy fat that’s pouring out of my pants - HA HA HA HA. What the fuck!? Ugh, I’m disgusting, stop reading right now. I’m going to shoot myself, I swear.

Visit my goddamned site!

What the f? I don’t know but I’ve been avoiding this whole goddamned myspace thing like it’s some sorta disease - one of those awful ones where you have to chop your legs off. Anyway, visit my goddamned site: http://www.asupremenewyorkthing.com please, that’s right, please, if that helps.