ASUPREMENEWYORKTHING

Above: “Family film my ass, fuck you cracka assed cracka.”

Above: Seriously, do black people even like swimming? I’ve never heard of it.

The new movie ‘Pride’ reminds us that black people are better than white people in sports. This time it’s swimming and like its predecessors (Bring it On, Cool Running, Glory Road, etc.) it reminds us of the struggle that black people have against racial inequality in America.

Above: Yay!

It’s weird that there are so many movies like this. I don’t claim to know what drives Hollywood to make these movies, but I’ll make my guess. I think there are definitely a lot of black people going to the movie theaters but not enough to warrant this continuous flow of films that revolve around this black versus white topic. White people must be buying tickets and watching these films.

Take Pride for instance - I don’t know what it’s about at all - but looking at the trailer I get the sense that it’s PG or PG-13 rated, a family film, and the underdog, the black swim team, will probably win in the end. Maybe white people are still subliminally guilty or cause Bernie Mac is funny with his funny way of speaking. Regardless, white people are going to these movies. Why? Maybe after watching the movie, the white family’s parents are thinking in their heads, “oh, what nice negroes, I’m glad they won out in the end cause it certainly was unfair back when there was slavery” (possibly not in those terms, OR possibly IN those terms).

FAMOUS ‘BLACK vs. WHITE’ FILMS

Bring It On - Cheerleading

Cool Runnings - Bobsledding

Glory Road - Basketball

Tiger Wood’s Career - Golf (It’s not even a movie, I know)

Star Wars - Lightsabering

You Got Served - Dancing

Whte Men Can’t Jump - Basketball again, I guess

Lets not even look at the whole black versus white thing for a second. Maybe white people go watch this movie because of the storyline, which I assume is that there’s a black swim team and they don’t do very well in the beginning but later, up against something racial they amp up their efforts and bam win something or other (THE ULTIMATE SUPREME GRAND SWIM CHAMPIONSHIP FINALS). Hey, I like underdog movies, I thought ALI or ROCKY were both pretty good.

Actually, maybe I’m wrong altogether. There are probably a lot of black people giving their money to Hollywood and I just don’t know about it cause I really don’t do any research regarding these blog entries. Otherwise how can you justify Queen Latifah’s career or movies like Friday, Next Friday, Friday After Next or the whole Barbershop series (how many were there? 2? 3?). Finally another possibility pops up in my head and it’s just that black culture is so popular and there are a lot of white people who like it and go watch it. Again though, I feel like black culture is so popular less so because of the content of black culture but ultimately because white people are just still feeling kind of guilty. Eh, who cares? Was this entry racist? It’s okay, I have black friends. eh… go fuck yourself.

by the way…

Here are the results to the Yahoo Answers Question that I posted:

Question:

Can you think of a movie where black people are better than white people in some sort of activity? sports etc.

Other than: the new movie PRIDE (swimming), You’ve got Served (dancing), Bring it On (Cheerleading) or just in general, being Tiger Woods.

Answers:

(just the funny ones - Yahoo Answers Members are pretty hilarious!)

1.) “Why? so you can steal more ideas from us like you have in the whole entire history of the world.”

2.) “no title having to deal with a life or a real time relationship”

3.) “The ‘ Boys in the Hood ‘. illustrates that blacks excel in stupidity. “

By the way, DON’T GO SEE ‘I Think I Love My Wife‘

First,

Go to my Yahoo Answers Question!

I’ve noted many-a-times, on my blog, how much I enjoy Yahoo Answers! For those of you new to my site (Thanks for visiting), Yahoo Answers is essentially a social site that allows members to ask and answer questions to gain points in some arbitrary point system. These points you get basically shows you how much time you’ve wasted. Anyway instead of answering questions as I always do, this time I’m ASKING a question. More on this later!

For you people out there on the internet who have never heard of Yahoo answers: it’s essentially a website that Yahoo hosts that let people ask and answer questions. It’s a whole big social thing and it’s great. You can read what people are asking and then give them either your opinion/comments or an answer. I personally like to answer them. Here we go.

Question:

Need help! what to get girlfriend for 30th birthday.?

its my girlfriends 30th birthday soon. i cant think of something to get her, any help would be great.

My Answer:

That’s pretty funny - the previous answer, “engagement ring.” F*ck that sh*t. Don’t do it, don’t take her answer seriously.

Okay, so she’s thirty, so what? I mean, yeah, get her a nice gift, get her a gift that says, yep, the big 3-0, congratulations for living this long and having done all the things that you’ve wanted to do in your life.

Or maybe not, maybe she hasn’t done all the things she wanted in her life. Maybe her dream job of starting up a little boutique in a middle to upper income suburban neighborhood, owning a house with a small front yard, having 2.5 kids and being part of the PTA just didn’t pan out because her boyfriend won’t commit. Why won’t he commit? Maybe he’ll never commit because this is the United States of America and that’s how men are, always stuck in this perpetual state of adolescents. Sure, he’ll bring me flowers once in a while and make me breakfast in bed, but guess what? Daffodils, eggs and sausages aren’t going to slow down that biological clock. Tick tock tick tock…

Can he really spend every weekend playing poker or going bowling with his buddies? Calling me right after at 3 A.M. all drunk and biligerent? Hey! XBOX360 is for 16 year old asian boys! Not 35 year old MEN still working part-time jobs, and I say JOBS because yeah ONE job is boring, he can’t commit, sure he’s 35 but he still wants to explore is CREATIVE side…

But I forgive him… I forgive him because he tells me how he loves me and wants to get married… oh yeah, he wants to get married, sure he does that son-of-a-b*tch. He wants to get married as much as he wants to pour hot scalding water over head… because that’s what I want to do. That’s what I want to do if he doesn’t bend down on one knee next Saturday and take out a ring.

WHOOPS, I just went into a tangent, accidentally taking on third person and then shifting into first person perspective. Anyway, I recommend you get her one of those Sharper Image Ionic Breeze Air Purifiers or, I guess, do take that woman’s advice and DO get her an engagement ring. I don’t know

Good luck with that! I hope that helped.

Here’s a two parter actually cause I just answered another one and it was pretty good.

*ADD: By the way, for those of you who have never visited my site and are looking at this, basically, Yahoo has this little social networking type thing whereby people can go on and ask or answer questions. Personally I like to answer questions and here, on the site, are some of my favorite answers.

Question:

Why don’t the girls who work down at the local “Hooters” like to see me come in there?

My Answer:

I think it’s cause you’re a pervert. I’ve seen you, you’re always either scratching down there or grabbing for your thing. You know what I’m talking about, you perv. Okay, so one time, you accidentally spilled your drink and yes, it was an accident, but it was also all over 5 hooter waitresses while they were singing happy birthday to you, because it so happened your birthday was 3 months away, and it was much less a spill and much more you just taking the whole thing of beer and pouring it over their tops making them all wet and slippery - or making them, as I’d like to think, the way they’re supposed to be, wet and slippery.

Listen, it’s okay, so sometime you accidentally take your chicken wings and you slip it down their tight little tops, and by chicken wings I mean you take your finger and by finger I mean your penis.

Good luck with THAT - keep eating there. They look like they don’t like you but in fact, they’re fantasizing about you when they’re at home sleeping in their beds and touching themselves. Is that dirty thinking? That’s because you’re a pervert. They’re touching themselves on their foreheads, that’s what I meant.

Question:

How do I force this girl to like me?

She told me she didn’t want to date me because I’m not her type. But then I showed up at her house and talked to her mom and dad and they said I was perfect for her. So I keep asking her out again and she always says no. Sometimes I follow her to work and ask and ask and ask! And then last weekend I found out she was going to the movies so I showed up at the end of it at her car and gave her some roses and candy. She still hasn’t said yes? How do I force her to date me?!?

My Answer:

That’s pretty awesome what you’ve done. Some people may call this weird and disturbing but don’t listen to those people because what you’ve got going here is obviously TRUE LOVE. Come now, she just doesn’t know it yet but she truly loves you and she’s just probably afraid to show it. What you might want to do is, whenever you can, take some of her hair, get it ANYWAY you can, and build a doll that looks just like her with it. Obviously what will happen is that she’ll see it and realize that you are willing to go above and beyond for her.

Have you ever seen ‘Single White Female’? That is the greatest romance movie you will ever see. I suggest you rent it and then take some tips from it because one of the characters in the movie really show some prime examples of what love is.

Does this girl that you like have a boyfriend? Well, that boyfriend no matter what is a skumbag compared to you, please understand that. He’s probably alway mistreating her by faking being nice. What I suggest you do is somehow sabotage their relationship, if she has a boyfriend, by getting one of your friends to hook up with him and then take pictures. Now, that may seem illegal and nutty, but then again, it’s true love and you MUST DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN for true love.

Good luck and may god be with you. He probably already is so don’t worry about it.

Please be reminded that these question and answer things are all anonymous. Also, by the way, in terms of the point system on this Yahoo Answers thing, basically, you get 10 imaginary points for having your answer voted best, well, I’m at level 2 now, with about 260+ points that are completely useless and will go towards absolutely nothing. I love it, you should try it.

Question:

How did all of you lose your virginity?

I lost mine when I was 13 years and two weeks. i was tutoring a girl from school (she was 12 years and 11 months) and we took a study break. We startedt o talk about sex and decided to do it for the hell of it. So we stripped naked and had sex on the couch. Well four months later she learned she was pregnant and now I am 17 and am raisng a 3 year old daughter (her mother moved last year and left her behind with me). So what is the rest of your alls stories? How did you lose it?

My Answer:

It’s a funny story and kinda embarassing. So I have this housekeeper, she is sexy as hell. Man, you have to see her, she’s always wearing the tightest skirts (you know what I’m sayin’? yeah, you KNOW what I’m sayin’). So one day, my parents is out and I’m talking to her, asking about her life and how it is having just moved to this country from Spain. Man she is hot - this was when I was 17 - anyway, I’m sitting there on the couch, talking to her and she comes over. She sits down talking to me, with her hot Spanish accent, and she starts asking me about school and saying stuff like, “oh, all the girls must love you at school. You have such a sweet face.” And I’m all embarrassed, you know? All like, “No, not really”

All of a sudden, she leans in and gives a kiss. Oh YEAH, that’s RIGHT! she comes in and start kissing me. And we start touching (the good kind). So I’m like, all nervous, I go upstairs and go through my parents drawers to look for a condom, cause I mean, she knows what’s coming and I know what’s coming. I go upstairs and I hear her calling my name. I run, I quickly grab a few and I come running down the stairs and guess what, the worst thing happens, I slip on a toy car that my brother had left near the stairs and I tumble backwards down the stairs landing bottom first right onto a bottle of Pledge wood cleaning spray breaking my be-hymen (behind + hymen, get it?) thus losing my virginity for the first and LAST time. That hussy left the Pledge just sitting there, UGH, I couldn’t believe it.

Yep, I know what you’re thinking, it totally wasn’t going in that direction in the beginning, well, that’s before I decided a be-hymen joke is 10x better than some Penthouse forum story you might wh*ck off to, you pervert.

Good luck and have a nice life!

Man, do I love that Yahoo Answers! Here’s another good one. It’s not as funny as the other ones, I don’t think, but it’s still quite good. I mean, I come up with this stuff right on the spot - I just rant, like how I do on this blogosphere.

Question:

Does anyone feel that their community would be enhanced if it had more minorities?

What minorities would you like to see move into your community?”

My Answer:

This is a great question. Personally, I like those Chinese people. They are hard working and they don’t complain. That’s what you want in your community. Or Gays! I mean, they’re clean and neat and they probably smell nice. I don’t know but it seems that way. Have you seen that show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy? They make those straight guys all clean and better dressed.

It’s an interesting question. Personally I think it really doesn’t matter which minority. It really needs to be more generic, like, what type of people - In which case you want good rule abiding people and you can find that kind in ALL TYPES of MINORITIES.

But I mean, those Chinese are pretty good cause they’ll do laundry and make Chinese food. I mean, have you had that General Tso’s chicken? It’s terrific.”

Yahoo! Answers is great. Here’s another gem (in my opinion).

Question:

White discharge???

i have a very creamy white discharge andi been having it everyday since i last had sex?? does anyone know what this could be from”

My Answer:

I think you might have had a cinnamon roll and it fell down there. You might just want to get a napkin and clean it up. Or! You might have a yeast infection, which I doubt because it’s MORE likely that you just dropped a cinnamon roll. Good LUCK with that!”

For those of you who know what Yahoo Answers is, I just want to say that I love it. It’s helped me out in the past. (http://answers.yahoo.com - free plug). But for those of you who have no idea what it is, it’s just another social internet web 2.0 community thing that lets you ask and answer questions and they give you imaginary points that are completely useless. It’s fun. Anyway, I love posting answers and sometimes I’ll knock out some gems. Here’s one:

Question from some guy:

Is my gf a tramp?

she just came back from the neighbor guys house, she said they were having a “glue party” and started squirting it allover her hair and face and body and its even in her eyes, her clothes are alll torn up too, and she has like scratches and it looks like bite marks on her, what shoudl i do about this tramp.”

My Answer:

THAT IS HILARIOUS! I get it, you’re a funny guy and you’re doing what some people call “being sarcastic.” So, let me see here, your girlfriend was at a glue party. What’s important is the type of glue that was used. If she used Elmers, then it’s fine, but if she used Semen glue then you’ve got a sticky situation on your hands.

Or maybe you’re not kidding and you’re serious, because I mean, come on, glue fights! that’s what’s hot right now. The other day, I was down at the hardware store and I was asking Bob, he’s the hardware guy, “Which glue should I use for a glue fight? My girlfriend just came back from a glue fight party and I think it’s a great idea,” which came back with a reply, “Are you a f*cking idiot? Glue fight? hey Douc*ebag, your girlfriend wasn’t at a gluefight! She was at a gluestick fight and by gluestick fight, I mean penis fight.

Good luck, buddy….”